The following incidents have been arranged chronologically:
- (During an activity where the class teachers assigned the name of a bird to each student)
- I was named The Parakeet as of my love for interaction with my classmates and expressiveness.
- One of my teachers remarked that I was rather quiet in class in contrast to the “obvious look of extroversion painted on my face.”
I’m not quite sure whether I am an introvert or an extrovert. I like to talk. I can and do talk- a lot. But I often find myself beating me up later for having opened up to almost anyone these days. Yes, there might be one or two people to whom I can pour my heart out to, discuss matters important to me… or trivial. These people I like interacting with 9 out of 10 times. As far as talking to anyone else is concerned, more often than not it leaves me unsettled. A few reasons the same are as follows:
- I hate being misunderstood.
I personally take great pains in ensuring that I am conveying my point well. I take the help of examples and analogies to talk to people. Specially, when I am trying to convey something which is important to me; or some feelings which maybe too difficult to comprehend for another person. But despite all these efforts, I have experienced that people tend to terribly misunderstand you and at times, it can be heart breaking.
- I hate being unheard.
There have been times when I have shared something extremely important to me- good & bad, or just an interesting fact which I’ve thought would probably interest the listener. Only to not to be heard the first or the second times but maybe, months later while reminiscing.
- People can be prejudiced.
I feel that sometimes, one is too prejudiced to even consider another person’s ideas/ grievances with an open mind. It is this prejudice that acts as a wall between the speaker and the recipient.
- I’ve had words put into my mouth.
Yes, it’s been a few years since high school got over. But certain high schoolish behaviours by some individuals don’t seem to be ending anytime soon.
- I don’t gossip.
I genuinely do not like to pry, bitch about others lives. I do not have this sort of potent curiosity which some other individuals tend to harbour. No, I do not know “the news” and nor am I interested to be “updated”. Even if, a person has rubbed me the wrong way. More often that not just complaining about him/her to a close friend deeply sickens me after the talk.
- People do not respect boundaries.
Have you ever been asked some rather prying questions from someone you’ve just met? It is simply infuriating.
Even after reading up various tactics to avoid answering these questions by smiling, changing the topic etc. I have realized that some people are just too stubborn and keep on persisting unless confronted up front
(which I find extremely hard to do). And sometimes, they do not give up even after that.
- I’m worried. Sometimes paranoid. And mostly, just hurt.
I care too much. I’ve had some terrible experiences with extremely close people which seemed to have scarred a part of my psyche forever, but by bit! The peace I find in keeping to myself nowadays and talking as less as possible is hardly retained otherwise.
I actually thank god each time I have a conversation with anyone without having any reason to regret it later, when I replay it later in my head!