Diaries: Echoes of my soul, Soulful Musings

Will I rise like a phoenix or be burnt away?

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It’s been awhile since I last posted here. I’ve been busy, very busy trying to rebuild myself, my heart and my life. Just trying my level best to create another shot at a life.

I’ve faltered at times and I have been through hell and back- the hell of loneliness, extreme fear and despair. But somehow, so far I have been putting up a fight. In many ways this is like building everything from the scratch after losing it all, yet at the same time there’s a certain sense of inner satisfaction that comes from the similar fight that I’d put not so long ago, and much thanks to god- come out a winner.

That said, I feel extremely exhausted now. Feel tired beyond my age. There’s no one and nothing, and I pretty much fight through all of this all alone. It doesn’t help to know that the people who are supposed to be your family, the people who are supposed to have your back are so distant, so away … in another world that your silent cries for help falls flat on their ears. The people who are supposed to give you positivity, only add more doubts and despair to your already wrecked heart.

I know I need to get away from this. I know that I need to surround myself with positivity. Everybody deserves that. Every one deserves to be in an environment which makes them feel comfortable, appreciated and/or at least not abused. And, I have been trying to get a shot at that. This is what my whole life has been about & this is my only shot. The pressure is intense, the fear is immense- will I rise from dust or will I be burnt away forever?

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8 thoughts on “Will I rise like a phoenix or be burnt away?

  1. grace grace grace says:

    To answer your question; You will rise like a phoenix; this is the destiny of all Gods children. listen to the still small voice that is always helping you, which is on the inside. You are greatly loved and highly valued.

  2. Kyu says:

    My family never did not hesitate to call me for help. I would always help them and encourage them. Yet when I needed them it is like they turned their backs on me. So now I have moved physically and emotionally. I am not bitter but they are well and able to help each other and I have taught them that by my examples in helping them. I now have to be someone selfish as they call it but in reality it is self preservation for a much larger difficult task ahead in my life. I have no doubts about it and I have to be prepared. If I am not prepared then I am lost. It is not for myself I need to be prepared but for the countless others I will cross paths with in the future. God has given you the gift of a chance in life. Not only do you have the right to leave and be happy but you have the responsibility to grow in strength and endurance and resolve with truth at your side. Do not become bitter or angry at those that do not encourage or help you. Pity them for they are truly lost. I pity them, fear for their loss, and yes I still love them. It angers them that I pity them but they do not see themselves as I see them. They are the truly lost for they cannot see the forest for the trees. They are lost in the various angles of light and shadow. The truly selfish only do what is a gain for themselves and is of no help to others. Be kind, caring, and understanding to the point where you can still love them and see how pitiful they are and have it so your heart aches that they are so pitiful. Do find a place where you can gain strength and encouragement. Grow to be the person only you can be that will be of great service in the times ahead.

  3. Rachael Green says:

    Vantage Point
    I died tonight Again…. This time I was waiting Ready for the inevitable. Alife cycle within a life cycle. Myfight with the familiar adversary Draws last breath. Acquiesced to samsara. The ashes enrich the earth Beneath my bare feet. In the light of the moon I bask in my cyclic infancy restored. Less than I was And astep closer to myself. 12/2015
    Rachael Green

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