I’ve faltered at times and I have been through hell and back- the hell of loneliness, extreme fear and despair. But somehow, so far I have been putting up a fight. In many ways this is like building everything from the scratch after losing it all, yet at the same time there’s a certain sense of inner satisfaction that comes from the similar fight that I’d put not so long ago, and much thanks to god- come out a winner.
That said, I feel extremely exhausted now. Feel tired beyond my age. There’s no one and nothing, and I pretty much fight through all of this all alone. It doesn’t help to know that the people who are supposed to be your family, the people who are supposed to have your back are so distant, so away … in another world that your silent cries for help falls flat on their ears. The people who are supposed to give you positivity, only add more doubts and despair to your already wrecked heart.
I know I need to get away from this. I know that I need to surround myself with positivity. Everybody deserves that. Every one deserves to be in an environment which makes them feel comfortable, appreciated and/or at least not abused. And, I have been trying to get a shot at that. This is what my whole life has been about & this is my only shot. The pressure is intense, the fear is immense- will I rise from dust or will I be burnt away forever?