I found these “thoughts” as a draft in my WordPress mobile app; typed during a particularly reflective downtime of life, not so long ago.
I don’t know how and when did I become the way I am now. I’m caught between the memory of who I was and the aspiration of who I want to be.
I have dedicated most of my life to creating a better tomorrow (for myself). In turn, I’ve only realised that I have wasted precious time.
Time… which is gone forever. Time which will never come back.
Time which I have spent in agony. Time which I have spent trying to get a shot at happiness in the future, instead of being happy now. A time full of unending misery and pain…
I’ve realised that we’ve all been brainwashed to delay our lives just for the life that we might get to live in the future. But our life is what is happening to us NOW, in the present moment! It is not something which is stocked/hidden in the future. A future which no one can guarantee.
I am not saying that one shouldn’t work for a better tomorrow, that one shouldn’t invest in their future. What I’m trying to say is that one shouldn’t ignore their present. Because no one can return you the time that you’ve lost.
Life is not a drama or a movie which is divided in two halves- the struggle and the happiness. It is, at all times a mixture of highs and lows. Do not think that by suffering intensely today you are buying yourself only joy in the future. Do not think that people who don’t value you and belittle you today will magically stop doing so, on their own. Do not think that you do not deserve to be happy TODAY.
Just as you cannot go without eating food for a month, in order to save money to binge in the next one. You cannot keep living unhappily in long stretches. You need to balance it out. Else, a burnout is inevitable.
Balance is the key to everything.