Many of us grow up on the idea of One True Love. And for some, who’re extremely blessed by the cosmos, never have to learn any different. But then there are those of us who grow to learn and embrace the fact that love is not a number game. Love is love. Sure, there is infatuation and then, there’s true love. But the fact is that we are capable of loving more than one person truly, in our lifetime.
Yes, this is a weighty discovery and often can be hard to process. We are drunk on the idea of a ‘one and only’. And any deviation from the same gives rise to a tremendous deal of inner conflict. Specially, when we’ve loved too intently and our heart has been broken. But sometimes, despite our best efforts… life catches us off guard. We try to fight it, but when it is real, it is too hard to ignore.
F. Scott Fitzgerald had very famously said, “There are all kinds of love in this world, but never the same love twice.” And, he couldn’t have done a better job in stating the very intrinsic character of love.
We can fall in love under many different situations, for different reasons and it still doesn’t mean that we loved one person less truly than other.
- Sometimes, we fall in love with those who proclaim to love us.
We believe in them. We want to believe in them. We want to believe in love. We want to love and spread the love. Because, that’s who we are, as humans. Sometimes, it works out and other times it doesn’t. Sometimes, it ends with nothing except a lot of hurt and loss, if what we believed in and/or who we believed in turns out to be just an illusion. Worse, if there was a hidden agenda all along, and we got fooled into trusting them, in believing…
- Sometimes, we fall in love because we meet the right people at the right time. And, both seem to want the same thing.
We love. We receive love. This one gives us a lot more reasons to cherish, to build something, to dream, think about the future and to simply believe. To hope. Yet, it isn’t foolproof. Sadly, I have realized that not everyone has the similar capacity to love and unfortunately, some of us do love more intently, more intensely than others.
Simply claiming, that you love one another is not enough. It takes more than that to sustain a healthy relationship. Respect, trust, space, communication, shared dreams and most of all a mutual drive to make it work under all circumstances. The latter, I believe, is the most crucial and important key to any successful relationship.
Because hell, everyone is going to have differences, everyone is going to really lose their minds at some point of time, there will be dull periods, painful periods, rough patches and then, all it will boil down to is whether both the parties are equally invested in the relationship or not. Maybe in different ways, but do both feel the same? One person alone cannot keep bending down all the time, one person alone cannot be sans ego all the time, one person alone can’t be making all the changes. Because a ‘relationship’, a ‘couple’ involves two, by definition.
Sooner or later, despite all the efforts such a relationship can shatter. Shattering more than just the heart of the one who loved stronger.
- Then, sometimes we just… fall in love. No strings attached.
We fall in love with the person, for who they are. Even if we know that it won’t amount to anything. We still can’t help but wish them the very best in each part of their lives. We truly want them to be happy because of all people in the world; the ones with hearts like them deserve to be happy. Even if it hurts, even if it hurts a lot we pray for them, for whom they love. And then, it all starts making sense. “Love is sacrifice”. Sure, it doesn’t always have to be that way. But sometimes, it is and we learn that love is in fact much less about us, and all about the one we love.
Yet despite the tradegy, this kind of love is probably the strongest and at its purest.
As John Green has very rightly said, “unrequited love can be survived in a way that once-requited love cannot.”