Just finished watching a movie for the second time after a gap of almost one year. It took me back to the very first time when I had watched it and made me feel the things that I had felt back then, in turn making me realize and feel a gamut of emotions in the present day. It made me realize how so much has changed and how nothing has changed at all.
Funny isn’t it, how we think that we have control over our lives, what we feel and what we do? But sometimes, life presents you with situations that make you realize that you have no control over it whatsoever.
Certainly not something that can be digested easily. Be angry, cry or crib in the end all you can do is accept, absorb and I won’t say move on but rather learn to carry it with you. Now, what you carry along with you is a personal choice.
I’m going through something that has made me realize that there can be pain in beauty too- hurtful pain, paralyzing pain and when you brave through all of it then, it is essentially just a bittersweet pain.
It’s truly amazing what our heart can endure.
How deeply it can feel, hope, and care for another individual sans any selfish interests! It’s true that most bonds in life are symbiotic. There’s always some involvement of self-interest. But it is only after you experience it first hand; you realize that there is something indeed like selfless love and concern. And, trust me, it is pretty terrifying at first- its intensity and depth. Not that it doesn’t hurt. Hurts terribly for a while and then, maybe you just learn to carry it around with you. Or maybe it’s the acceptance. Or it is the realization of the greater good.
This love is not about you after all. It is about someone else. Their happiness, their wellbeing. Your reward? Seeing them happy or just distantly knowing that they are happy out there, somewhere… whether or not you’re a part of it. Sure, you’d have wanted to be. In fact you’d have liked to be the reason for their happiness. But so what if you’re not?
Does it pinch a little? Sure. But it’s a pinch you can take with a smile each time you think of them smiling/ see their smiling pictures. And, it is in these moments you know that you’ve really loved. Not just loved, but grown beyond your years.
It’s a different kind of experience that leaves you wiser like never before. It enters your heart, pierces and purifies your entire being. You didn’t know you were capable of this. It’s absolutely astonishing- the ineffability of human bonds and feelings. How your soul just seems to connect to another’s and it isn’t even dependent upon the mutuality of the connection!
You know you don’t need to define this love, or give it some label. It just is…
And, maybe it’s this empowering purity of the feeling that makes you smile, even through tears, every time you see them smile!