Introspection, Soulful Musings

Resilience

Recently, I had a frightening mishap with my pretty new (barely four months old) Macbook Air, which had resulted in it crashing. All of it had happened within a minute. I was almost done with the entire glass (of cola); just a sip or two was left. And just like that, I saw the glass fall sideways on my computer table. Before I knew it, there was a spill! I was horrified; but thankfully, my senses were still functioning and I immediately turned my machine upside down (so that the liquid wouldn’t seep inside the machine via the keyboard).

Just when I thought that I had managed to save it. I was proven wrong by the universe. It shut down and refused to start again.

An amalgamation of emotions immediately struck me one after the other. Fear, panic, regret, self hate (for not being careful enough). I was absolutely devastated. It was one LONG night. There were tears, heartache, my stress levels went through the roof. All I could do was pray. Pray that the warranty covers the repair. There wasn’t an alternative scenario that could console me and make things okay.

All’s well that ends well, they say. And I will agree to that. My prayers were heard and answered and my mac was repaired under the warranty (much to my intense relief).

Through this experience there were times that my mind thought that I would never again bring anything liquid near my Mac. I would drink water in the kitchen if I was thirsty and just keep all liquids away, no matter what. But yesterday, I was sitting with a mug of cola again, resting at a safe distance beside my mac. While I was careful and scared due to what had happened… I observed that I had indeed mustered up a little courage to bring a mug of liquid near it, unlike what I’d thought.

Sure, I had learnt from it. I had learnt that a heavier container or a bottle would be more suitable than a light weight glass. But unlike my mind’s initial paranoid reaction of having a no-liquid-near-the-mac policy at any cost, I was doing it again.

This made me think about the inherently resilient nature of us humans.

I’m sure it must have happened to you: you might have made a mistake while doing something or getting to know someone and incurred great loss whether in form of material or just an excruciating heartache. Post which, you might have sworn that you’d never commit the same act ever again. Or trust anyone ever again. But after a while, you might have found yourself re-visiting the same place.

If it would have gone well this time around, you’d have been glad that you learnt and unlearnt the lesson. But if because of some unfortunate reason you’d have managed to hurt yourself yet again, the pain you’d have felt would have been doubled. You’d have cried and cursed yourself for being “so foolish” once again. The shock would’ve been double- the shock that you were betrayed by someone important to you and the shock accompanying the disappointment that you led yourself down a road that failed you another time.

So, the question is what should one do? Stop trusting? Give up on things?

This is a dilemma that we face from time to time, which often renders us too hard on ourselves, cage ourselves or live in some kind of perpetual fear waiting for the other shoe to drop! Which is not justified at all. Just think about it for a moment. Maybe, we try to fight something that is against the nature. For if it wasn’t for this inbuilt resilience, we’d have never even learnt to walk after our first fall! If every time each one of us was wronged by a friend had stopped us from building friendships with one another, a lot of us… most of us would have zero friends post middle/high school. Scientists would have not made many important discoveries, struggling actors wouldn’t have succeeded in getting work, the entire human race would’ve perished in every sense!

Then, why do we try so hard to harden our hearts after facing rejection/failure/treachery or unkindness? We label ourselves as “emotional fools” and talk down ourselves. Me basically, make it harder for our own selves to heal.

Maybe, what we need to do is to think of pain as a part and parcel of an entire process. Just like childbirth. A mother waits patiently for a long stretch of time, faces discomfort and endures unimaginable amount of terrifying pain while giving birth to her baby. And, yet remembers it as one of the most beautiful moments of her life.

I think we find it harder to keep a positive outlook when we can’t see our future with a certain amount of certainty. It is not in our nature to be comfortable with the unknown. It makes us nervous, fearful, anxious. But we ought to make peace with it.

And how do we do that? There’s really only one way. And, it is to trust. To have faith. For “those who don’t believe in magic will never find it.”*

We need to tell ourselves that even though we don’t know how or when, even though we can’t see just as yet… there is something happening at all times. Something which is bringing us closer to what we really want and need from the core of our heart. Maybe at times, it will seem impossible. But we ought to keep the faith, and remind ourselves to believe when it gets dark.

I’d like to leave you with a line that I came across (very recently) in the movie Decoding Annie Parker“Maybe it is fate, everything that happens to us. But the only way we can make through it is with faith.”

 


*Roald Dahl

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