Diaries: Echoes of my soul, Introspection, Soulful Musings

Writing- From A Place Of Pain.

Definitely not deliberately, but some of my best writing has found its roots in some kind of pain or angst. And as it might be evident, the majority of poetry in this very blog was written when my heart was totally shattered. I wonder why this happens?

It’s not that I have not found words in the moments of joy and love. In fact, I really developed as a writer, penning down some of my most emotional and coherent prose, full of soul and passion during that time of my life. Even noticeably impacting my academics (language subjects) rather positively. But that has been a very long time ago. I wonder why, again…

I must admit that I have always admired people who’ve take one form of negativity and channelized into something brilliant. Mostly, I have noticed these are artists and creators of one kind or an other. Videos, Poems, Art… Oh, how I wish sometimes when words evade me, specially in moments of torment that I could just take a pencil and/or some colours and create something beautiful on a piece of paper. Something sans words, yet something very telling of the state within. But alas, I’m not an artist of that sort. Yet.

This word ‘yet’ has a new found place in the dictionary of my life. Because, clichés like never-say-never have becomes words that truly resonate with me now. Besides, for the most part and when it comes to most (positive things) like learning, experiencing or trying something… It’s never too late I suppose. It is always possible to make it happen if you really, really want to…

So for now, I will let the questions just be questions and will close my very tired eyes, and rest my very tired shoulders for a while. Oh god, I have always loved nights!

Standard
Diaries: Echoes of my soul

Questions and Obsessions

I have spent most of my Saturday obsessing about this blog. And, I am not exaggerating. I just wanted to find the ‘perfect’ theme before I started blogging again but nothing really seemed to click.

Anyway, so here I am back again. And, hopefully this time to stay.

I have been wanting to write since a long, long time now. Something. Anything. But I have failed to do so. What finally propelled me to even come this far was actually reading someone else’s blog post. Now, it is not that I don’t read at all anymore. But my ability to read has been suffering kind of similar to writing. It’s the state of mind. I guess. The state of a very pre-occupied mind, which has a lot on.

Coming back to the point… I can’t really pin point what exactly did the trick.

Was it simply the remainder of the time when I was really writing a lot here? But it’s not like I haven’t thought of it all this while.

Or was it the realisation that everything doesn’t have to be ‘perfect and perfectly structured’ to strike a chord. In the end, I suppose the best kind of writing is one that comes from the soul and touches another. And, in my case it was the sheer honesty of the blogs, I guess.

Well, whatever it is. I’m glad that I am back here again. Doing this right now. And hopefully, this time I will be able to take it to another level. In terms of perhaps… exposure. Maybe this time it won’t remain ‘anonymous’ or ‘anonim0us’ as I have been spelling it. 😛

Besides, it’s not like I haven’t had stuff to say. Just lacked that momentum to sit down and type. Just lack the momentum to sit down and channelize my thoughts into coherent strings of sentences… I guess, if I can keep at it. I can re-learn what I have somehow managed to un-learn.

A part of me wonders if I should ‘start again’. A fresh blog. Because this one has a lot of work that is connected to a lot of history. But there’s lot of good work here. Besides it seems so wrong to want to ‘hide’ things. For how can you truly write, if you are busy trying to ‘hide’ your thoughts and feelings?

Standard
Poems

Why?

Tears have run dry
Yet I still can’t fathom why
I met you in the first place
Was it all just to make me cry?

I’m not a stranger to heartache
Or goodbyes
Life’s been unkind

If meeting you was destiny
Letting you in was a leap of faith
Which failed me

And here I am again
With no one and nothingness
Hurting and trying
To deal with this darkness
Yet another time…

Note: Found this in the notes of my phone, must have typed it in Feb/early March. Or was it April? I guess, I should start adding dates to everything.

Standard
Poems

Sometimes I question life…

dyingrose

Sometimes I try to look for a reason.
Just a single one.
Oh, how I try desperately.
Only to find that there’s none!

My throat burns.
And my heart yearns.
To know if there’s a point;
To any of this brunt?

Any guarantee
That it’d be all worth it in the end?

And I hear it in my heart again,
Oh no sir! There is none.

So, I just sit here and burn.
My insides, my heart, my soul.
Sometimes I feel I’m not human.
But just a hollow hole!

Is my time here done?

Sometimes I think that I may be weak one after all.
If I can’t make peace with the world just like all.

Then, perhaps I’m too earnest.
Too real, too raw, too burnin’
In this world so cold
And numb.

Or, maybe I am just a ‘weakling’ by Darwin’s law.
Not shrewd and fast enough to survive.
This treacherous world.
And all its lies!

O’ Lord, this very possibility
Makes me despise;
Even my very own shadow’s sight!

Standard
Poems

Fire and Desire

image

There is a burning fire
Which questions all that has transpired
I’m looking for something that’ll inspire
And relieve me of this anxious desire.

Fueled by questions and doubts
Which seem like black clouds
Covering the skies of my mind
Oh, they’re so unkind.

I know that I’ve tried
Then why’s this confusion inside?
These days I know I’m alive
Cuz I’m shivering with stark fright.

Standard