Diaries: Echoes of my soul

Questions and Obsessions

I have spent most of my Saturday obsessing about this blog. And, I am not exaggerating. I just wanted to find the ‘perfect’ theme before I started blogging again but nothing really seemed to click.

Anyway, so here I am back again. And, hopefully this time to stay.

I have been wanting to write since a long, long time now. Something. Anything. But I have failed to do so. What finally propelled me to even come this far was actually reading someone else’s blog post. Now, it is not that I don’t read at all anymore. But my ability to read has been suffering kind of similar to writing. It’s the state of mind. I guess. The state of a very pre-occupied mind, which has a lot on.

Coming back to the point… I can’t really pin point what exactly did the trick.

Was it simply the remainder of the time when I was really writing a lot¬†here? But it’s not like I haven’t thought of it all this while.

Or was it the realisation that everything doesn’t have to be ‘perfect and perfectly structured’ to strike a chord. In the end, I suppose the best kind of writing is one that comes from the soul and touches another. And, in my case it was the sheer honesty of the blogs, I guess.

Well, whatever it is. I’m glad that I am back here again. Doing this right now. And hopefully, this time I will be able to take it to another level. In terms of perhaps… exposure. Maybe this time it won’t remain ‘anonymous’ or ‘anonim0us’ as I have been spelling it. ūüėõ

Besides, it’s not like I haven’t had stuff to say. Just lacked that momentum to sit down and type. Just lack the momentum to sit down and channelize my thoughts into coherent strings of sentences… I guess, if I can keep at it. I can re-learn what I have somehow managed to un-learn.

A part of me wonders if I should ‘start again’. A fresh blog. Because this one has a lot of work that is connected to a lot of history. But there’s lot of good work here. Besides it seems so wrong to want to ‘hide’ things. For how can you truly write, if you are busy trying to ‘hide’ your thoughts and feelings?

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Music, Movies & TV, Soulful Musings

Moving On

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At some point in our lives, we all have been forced to move on from something, someone or someplace. It is a passage of rite that we all must go through¬†in some from or the other, with varying degrees of intensity in our lives. Yet, one hears/reads of some story every now and then that¬†leaves one awestruck. Or simply in a state of wonder…

Have you ever found yourself lost in deep thought, thinking how did he/she do it? Maybe it seems something impossible to you, maybe it triggers the emotion of fear within you… because while the act of ‘carrying on’, you realise is necessary and admirable. It also highlights the underlying pain, struggle and loss faced by the person. And most importantly, the realisation of the fact that everything cannot be explained or understood. Everything cannot be put into words, no matter how hard we try; and even then… something always gets lost in translation. For there are things in life which need to be experienced and lived through by oneself to really get acquainted with them.¬†There’s always something more to be felt, experienced, understood and explored. Always. And, that is the abundance of this mystery called life.

As a person who’s moving on from something which formed a gigantic part of my life, a person who’s trying to move on to something new, I can tell you this- It doesn’t happen in one day. It is, in fact, an everyday process.

There’s a wise exchange between the pivotal characters¬†in the movie¬†Rabit Hole¬†which describes it pretty well:

Becca: Does it ever go away?

Nat: No, I don’t think it does. Not for me, it hasn’t – has gone on for eleven years. But it changes though.

Becca: How?

Nat: I don’t know… the weight of it, I guess. At some point, it becomes bearable. It turns into something that you can crawl out from under and… carry around like a brick in your pocket. And you… you even forget it, for a while. But then you reach in for whatever reason and – there it is. Oh right, that. Which could be aweful – not all the time. It’s kinda…

[deep breath]

Nat: not that you’d like it exactly, but it’s what you’ve got instead of your <whatever you have lost/ what you had to let go off>. So, you carry it around. And uh… it doesn’t go away. Which is…

Becca: Which is what?

Nat: Fine, actually.

Somedays, you’d find yourself reminiscing about happy memories and instances from the past, even if it was something unpleasant and hurtful, say, a bad relationship. Somedays, you’d find yourself getting flashbacks of what was wrong… reminding you how you had to do what you did, and how you did the right thing by leaving it all behind. And somedays, you’d find yourself in the shackles of misplaced guilt. Specially, if you’re a person (like me) who is his/her own worst critic.

But you know, what’d be most important? The most important part would be when you’ll have to just keep putting one foot in front of the other and keep on walking ahead. No matter how tempting it’d be on somedays, the desire to look back. And, the only time you would; it would be to see how far you’ve come. And, that… in itself would become the source of strength which you’d need to draw from… every. single. day.

If you’re lucky, you’ll have a friendly face around you and supportive hands on your shoulders. But if you aren’t so lucky on that front, stay strong. Remember that someone somewhere is out there, just like you and hence, you are never really alone.

Run

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